12/12/12

I promised myself I would write on this day, because of the date. So, before this day ends, here I am. I woke up this morning with the events of yesterday on my mind. While driving home from work my husband informed me, via a cell phone conversation, that six police cars just went roaring up the highway. This comment was followed by his informing me perhaps their speedy passing was in relation to a shooting at the mall. As I'd not been listening to any media reports, this was the first I'd heard of this event. My husband, then informed me this shooting had taken place at the Clackamas Town Center Mall. I promptly turned our TV on channeling directly to local news. As it happened I had my choice of all local news channels, as this event was being broadcast, live, on each one. As of today we now know a 22 year old young man donned a ski mask and charged across the parking lot and into the mall. He passed through the Macy's store and up the escalator to the food court on the second level. For reasons I don't understand, many people, according to firsthand reports, didn't initially recognize anything was amiss. Some said they thought maybe it was a joke. PEOPLE--HOW CAN A MAN WEARING A MASK AND RUNNING THROUGH A MALL CARRYING AN ASSAULT RIFLE BE A JOKE!?!? Apparently reality set in when the gunfire started. Well, okay, according to reports, for most people it was not necessarily after the first couple shots, but instead reality set in once there was rapid fire, i.e. multiple shots in succession. About this time there began mass pandemonium and panic, with two people, an adult male (age 45) and an adult female (age 54) being shot dead, and a 15 year old girl, seriously wounded by way of gunshot wounds. Wow, at the risk of sounding like a freak, in typing the previous paragraph, I just noticed a curiosity in relation to the ages of both the adults, a flip of their age numbers, along with the fact each of the three persons has the number 5 in their age. Anyhow, back to the story... I thought it unusual, albeit a blessing, that more people were not wounded or killed--in light of the fact this guy clearly was there with the intent to kill, and was equipped with a weapon to do so. However, today in the news we learned the reason for this was because his assault rifle jammed. News reports suggest he died of a self inflicted gunshot wound. I suspect that his death, by self inflicted gunshot, is not the truth. IF the truth was altered, I can't say why. However, having an adult child who served in military intelligence, I am aware there are times when our national "leaders" give the public information that is different than actual events. This includes when it comes to the means that brought about certain persons deaths. In this case, the gunman was alive when the police and swat team entered the mall. Last night, in being reported he was dead, it was stated he had been neutralized. This terminology, to my understanding, when used in the military, means "the enemy" had been "taken out"-- as in killed by means not of his own hand (or doing). I am open to correction if this is not always the case. But, at the time of this writing, this is my understanding. Therefore, I suspect "the enemy" was "taken out". This morning, I reflected on the numerous times I've strolled through, shopped at, and otherwise visited that mall. I've been there so many times I couldn't even begin to count. In more recent years, there have been occasions I'd ride into the city with my husband, then leave from his office to go shopping. Some of those occasions included a trip to that mall, to shop, and to let my little one play. Right outside the Sears store, where this young mans life ended, is where the kiddy play area sits. It frightens me to realize how this place, that for over a decade I have thought of as being safe, was so quickly turned into a place of terror and death. In the news we learn of acts of terror happening in other parts of the world and, sadly, even in our own country. But to have such an act take place in my own back yard, so to speak, is very unsettling. It has given me pause to think. Today when I prayed that God would watch over and protect me and protect my loved ones, it was not mere rote words. This time I meant it with all my heart.

The Fourth Fisherman

The Fourth Fisherman by Joe Kissack. www.TheFourthFisherman.com The Fourth Fisherman is a book that parallels Joe's life with that of five fisherman who are lost. The fisherman are lost and adrift in a boat at sea at the same time that Joe, who appeared to have it all: money, a life in the fast lane that money buys, was also lost and adrift--only Joe was lost on the sea of life. Three of the five fishermen miraculously survive despite being lost and adrift for nine months. They attribute their survival to their faith in God; faith one fisherman started out with, and the other two gained during their time at sea. About the same time Joe, also very lost, is miraculously saved. As his life hits rock bottom he finds the only way up is through the grace of God. He finds his salvation comes by exercising the same faith, in the same God, as that of fishermen. The Fourth Fisherman is a very interesting and well written book. I very much enjoyed reading it, finding my faith is strengthened and my priorities are re-set. I definitely recommend the reading of this book. I received this book for free from WaterBrook Multnomah Publishing Group for this review.

Blindsided

Blindsided: Funny thing, the human psyche--our defenses. She says to me, I believe as a means of encouragement, “But you survived...”. I try to qualify with, “But did I really, I'm a mess.” I'm not sure what she sees, but apparently she doesn't see the life of failure and pain that I see. I've a lifetime of virtually no close friends-thus I'm in a perpetual state of loneliness. The careers I dreamed of as a child remained as nothing more than dreams, likely due to my fears, and most certainly due to my belief I'd never succeed. Therefore, I never even attempted to pursue one of them. The list of things I've quit could run as long as my arm. Quite possibly the only thing I ever finished was high-school (I'm thankful for that) but even those years hold memory of things started but not completed. My dating years could make me cry; heaven knows they did at the time. Sustaining was not a part of my vocabulary--I was on a quest, and that quest was to find love. But the irony is that when I did find someone who could truly meet my needs, I couldn't get away fast enough. He gave me three chances. Each time I ended up running. When I tried to come back again, he said no. Shortly thereafter I met the first man I would marry. That brings me to my failed first marriage. But if failed isn't bad enough there's all the grief and trauma and turmoil that comprised the years while it existed. Granted it definitely wasn't all my responsibility, still I hang my head in shame and sorrow for the part of it that's mine. Thankfully during those years I did come to realize there was something in me that was broken. I determined I wanted to fix it, so I put a lot of my time and energy into gaining knowledge, understanding and emotional healing. I did gain some of that, enough to find and be able to accept love in my life. Now I am able to enjoy a love relationship, but I've since begun to recognize I'll likely spend the rest of mortality trying to put together the broken pieces of my life, and even then I'll likely die still shattered. Because just when I think I can breath a little--I get blindsided. It was an action taken- that in and of itself wasn't terrible. Who could have known that in that moment it would have the potential to rock my psyche so completely. It's potential was realized because it combined itself with a life-changing event. Apparently those two combined were enough to create the key to unlock the ever so tightly secured lid; the lid that had for so long safely held secure from my conscious mind this pain, and deep sadness, which I had not been aware existed. What I once thought were only memories turn out to be laced with emotion deep and painful. Mopping the floor and I began crying. This was not the first time I cried that day; it was instead one of many. I began to question if I was having an emotional breakdown. Would I actually find my self at that lovely building in Salem where they bring you drugs on a platter and you attend group meetings with all the other lost souls who've cracked? That evening would find me standing outside the door of the bathroom while my lovely, newly pregnant daughter is applying make-up. Her recently married husband is in the other room and won't make eye contact with me. I know why but have no idea how to bridge the gap, and I realize he can't possibly understand where I'm coming from. But my daughter, to a degree, does. As I'm speaking to her I find I choke with emotion. She says, “What's the matter mom”. I move closer to the doorway and find I can't speak without crying. I'm describing to her of me as a small child. I begin to shudder as I cry, saying, “I was so little and there was no one to protect me...” then my crying turns to sobs, like those of the two, three and four year old child I once was. I see tears start to roll down her cheeks as she puts out her arms to me. I gladly accept her embrace, and she holds me as I weep. And she reminds me she loves me. I know I will need to continue to grieve this, until its finished. I didn't know I held this pain, but I now realize I've done so for a very long time. And I'm thankful I'm safe now; emotionally safe. It's because I am, that I can do this.

10/11/12

I'm rather a nut for numbers--number patterns that is. Since this date will be a once in a lifetime date for me, I just had to do something to immortalize it. I figured journal writing or blogging should do the trick. I may pop in again next month for 11/10/12, even though I don't get quite as excited about that one. But then there is 12/12/12--now that date is super cool! That leads me to 12/21/12... what to make of that date?!? The date pattern is intriguing, but even interesting is what I've learned about that date via various documentaries. If memory serves correctly, it was in January that we started watching various documentaries on the topic. I've learned about the Mayan calendar as well as the earth slipping off it's polar axle. Some folks speculate, come that date, nothing will happen. Others predict there will be a major change in the attitudes of people, worldwide. And then there are the scientists who suggest the whole world may come to an end, a very earth shaking crisis of an end--or at the very least some major earth shaking crisis. We could see any of the above, OR nothing at all. However, in light of the fact this is an intense election year, if nothing else, I expect emotions will be fairly intense come that date--if for no other fact than the nation will be wound up, on both sides of the fence, over who was elected in and who was not. All in all, I expect some excitement. Until then, happy 10/11/12!

Unstoppable: The Incredible Power of Faith in Action by Nick Vujicic

Unstoppable by Nick Vujicic

In my email, today, I found a gift. I am now sharing it with you. I just finished reading this excerpt of chapter 1 of Nick's book. What a moving and inspiring read! I look forward to reading his book; I have a feeling it will change my life. I'd then love to hear him speak. Unstoppable by Nick Vujicic (Chapter 1 Excerpt)

Be Still My Soul, or is it Cry of My Heart

Be Still My Soul,The Cadence of Grace Series, Book 1 by Joanne Bischof. Or should we say "Cry of My Heart" as the former appears to be a remake of the latter. I really wanted to love this novel. I looked forward to it's arrival and started reading it that very night. Based on the books introduction, I anticipated a captivating, inspiring story of love developed against great odds. I was introduced to the young character of Lonnie Sawyer, a shy gentle girl who grew up with an abusive father in a cabin situated in the Appalachian Hills. I can't say what year the story takes place as I don't recall seeing this information given by the author. My best guess would be some time early in the 20th century. The plot of the story is that young Lonnie is forced, by her father, to marry Gideon, a local young man whom she barely knows, after the father sees Gideon kiss Lonnie, walking her home from a community event late one evening. The story starts out strong. The author gives interesting detail that helps draw the reader into the story. I was captivated for about the first seven chapters, despite finding it a little hard to believe Gideon's father was such a weak character that he would allow his son to be forced into a marriage where there was nothing to substantiate the young woman or her reputation had been "soiled", as her father claimed. Nevertheless, at that point, I was still hopeful for a good story, so I didn't dwell on that detail. Starting with chapter eight, however, the author started losing me. The premise for the story had been set and from this point on it seemed to me like the author ran out of momentum. I started to notice a choppiness in the writing combined with a lot of detail, much of which I felt was unnecessary and thus bored me. Often I questioned if the author was inserting unnecessary detail simply to find filler. Throughout the book there's a lack of dialog to draw us into the heart and mind of the character's. Instead the reader is told what the characters are doing with the periodic announcement that one of them has a feeling. However, there was a lack of something in the writing so that I didn't feel emotion with or for the characters. The author seems to favor the use of the phrase gnawing, chewing or biting at ones cheek or lip. The redundancy of the use of this phraseology quickly became irritating. Several chapters into the book we are introduced to an older couple who are to be key people in Lonnie and Gideon's lives. I think the authors intention is for us to see this couple as being a source of mature wisdom and guidance for the young couple. Jebediah is written to say and do things that are a far cry from sage wisdom and a good example. At times he sounded almost as immature as we were to believe Gideon to be. As for his wife, Elsie, we really don't get to know her, but what few words of wisdom she offers, they are not, in my estimation, good advice. I found these two characters to be disappointing. Overall I found this book to be a disappointment. To me the characters seemed somewhat inconsistent, immature and underdeveloped. The writing style was choppy. There was too much unnecessary detail thus rendering the read boring. There were details I questioned as believable and there was redundancy in phraseology. At best this might be an acceptable read for a very young teenager. I definitely do not recommend this book to a mature reader.

What Matters Most

"What Matters Most: How We Got the Point but Missed the Person" by Leonard Sweet. In reading this book, I have likely gained far more than I yet realize. While at times it seemed as though the author might be repeating information I found this helped to really drive home to me the concepts the author was teaching. As I would read and ponder on the authors message I gained a far more in-depth understanding of the purpose, value and essential importance of relationships. In my opinion this is not a book for the casual reader. I found the authors messages to be deep and meaningful, requiring much thought and pondering on my part. I kept a red pencil for highlighting as I found there were many points throughout the book that I recognized I would want to reflect back on. One very interesting point the author addresses is the story of Abraham and Isaac. Like the author, I too have struggled to understand that story. I anticipated I would read the usual telling with it's accompanying explanation. Instead what I found was a very thought provoking alternate way of interpreting those events. The author shares with us what is titled "Twenty Questions Of Faith"; his twenty questions about the story. He brought up some very interesting questions; some similar to questions of my own, most questions I didn't even know to ask. Further along a personal story is shared and the author poses the question, "How many times have I sacrificed being "in relationship" for the personal satisfaction of being "in the right"? How many times have I won the argument, but lost a friend or damaged a heart?" Overall the key message I gained from this book is the essential importance of relationship with Jesus Christ, with God and with my fellow human beings. I don't know that I can even begin to adequately give tribute to the value of the content of this book in a review. The only way to truly benefit from the wisdom and insight offered is to read it and ponder on it's message. I think the best way to summarize is to quote from the author: "Relationship is pivotal to Christian theology, because God is Love and Love is impossible outside of relationships." http://www.waterbrookmultnomah.com/bloggingforbooks/reviews/view/19855

To Heaven and Back by Mary C. Neal, MD

For many years I've been intrigued with the concept of near death; my main desire for knowledge of and an assurance of life after death. I've personally known three people who have had this type of experience but I either missed opportunity to or was afraid to ask about it. I've read or started to read books and stories of those who claim to have had this experience. More often than not I've dismissed their claim or refused to finish reading the book, as in those cases the words rang false. I've found reading Mary C. Neal's story to be a different experience in a very positive way. As I read her story I found I was thinking, reflecting and pondering on the meaning and teaching in her words. Through her I have gained a new hope and perspective for my own life. Initially I was a little hesitant to read her book, both based on past experiences of books of this nature as well as some less than favorable reviews. I am now very thankful I gave it a chance. While her story gives very limited detail of her time on the other side of life, I find that to be a positive aspect of her book as that, to me, is believable. Of that she gives us just enough that I am able to accept her assurance there is a Heaven, there is a God and there is much love and peace and beauty awaiting us. The true value of her story comes in her sharing with us, the reader, the many insights, lessons and understanding she gained through her experiences. I highly recommend this book to all. I want a copy on my bookshelf so that I can go back and re-read it over and over again. I'd love to quote so many words of wisdom contained therein; which serve to enhance my life as I ponder on them, and would also be of such value to so many people I know, who continue on this path we call life. If I had to summarize into one sentence, I'd simply say "this is a fantastic book, you've got to read it".

1/11/11

(7/1/2012 I just found the following in a draft file. I'd forgotten this was written and apparently it was never properly posted. As noted, it was originally written 1/1/11) With a phenomenal date like today's I have to write something, so it can be forever noted. The only date to top this one this year will be in November, when I can type 11/11/11!What a day today has been. I took my sweet little six year old to the library for the activity and story hour. My darling girl has Down Syndrome and Autism Spectrum. She a very active and very loving child. She is constantly moving; be it running or dancing. The part she loves at story hour is when the children are guided in singing activities that involve moving about such as "head, shoulders, knees and toes". The actual reading of stories doesn't hold her attention. My little one likes to reach out and touch people sometimes. We've worked on learning to do "soft touch" as opposed to her reaching out and bopping someone on the head. Today when the reader began to read the story, my girl turned her attention to two boys sitting on the rug behind her. I was watching closely to be sure of what she was doing; should I need to intercede. However, she simply gently reached out to one boy and softly touched him in his shoulder. Then she turned to the other boy and gently touched him on the shoulder. The first child pulled away from her. The other child didn't seem to mind. I don't know her reasons but my child then repeated this a second time, simply reaching over and gently touching each boy on the left shoulder. Then she turned her attention to a little girl and gently touched her on the bottom of her shoe. After this she leaned back on the rug and put her feet up and tapped the soles of her shoes together. Shortly thereafter the story was over and she hopped up ready to play another game. However, as soon as the story finished the senior person in charge of story time; who had been sitting in front of the room watching what my child was doing and had looked at me with a pinched face, spoke to me in front of all the people present and informed me there was a no-touch rule and basically informed me that my child's behavior was not acceptable for the class. I honestly don't know what all she said after the initial rebuke. Even though she was in front of the whole room so most if not all eyes were on her, it seemed as if she was speaking at a lower volume. Rather made me think she was ignorant enough to think in so doing only I was be aware she was essentially reprimanding me in front of everyone. I informed her I was having difficulty hearing her, to which she said she'd talk to me later about it. Well, that later never happened because after that next activity she began reading another story to the children. I brought my child to my lap but of course she didn't want to sit on my lap; she wanted to be on the rug with the other children. From the moment I was publicly rebuked, my thoughts were we did not belong there as I clearly cannot reform my child to behave the same as children who do not have mental and learning disabilities. And I now felt so awful I did not want to be there. Since my child was going to be most unhappy with me physically restraining her lest she, heaven forbid, make any form of physical contact with another child, I determined it was time to leave. I have decided to try and find either a learning or activity group where I can take my child that is understanding, accepting and tolerant of the unique needs of special needs children. In the meantime however, it will be interesting to see how things evolve for the public library as this precious child of mine has a very intelligent, very articulate adult sister who has now proven to be a very powerful advocate for our special needs child. Because my oldest is not only my child, she is now my friend and confidant, I shared with her the events of my day. She then took it upon herself to write a powerful letter to the uppermost person in charge at that library as well as the local Mayor. It seems this child of mine determined what had happened to my youngest and I fell under the umbrella of discrimination. They say there are opposites in all things. The library incident was a negative. But later in the day I got a surprise in the form of a phone call from one of my oldest and dearest best friends of all time. My childhood friend whom I've known since the age of 6. We've not talked for about three years. This evening we talked as though we'd just left off. So, today has been a day of high and low emotions, but all in all it's good.

Blogging for Books

Wow, time flies whether you're having fun or not! Somehow I let my blog go stagnant as I got caught up in numerous other activities. As I was typing the first line of this blog I found I was remembering something from my freshman year of high-school. I was a member of the jazz choir and we performed a then popular song with the line "time keeps on tickin tickin tickin, into the future". Little did I know then how much I would come to understand those words. I find myself here today due to the need to update my blog info. Thankfully I'm married to a computer literate man, as, in my negligence to keep updated on here, many things took place rendering me lost and otherwise disconnected from my blog page. i.e. I could not log into or access anything due to the many changes that took place between blogger and google. Alas I am back and very much with motive. Today I discovered I may have opportunity to blog for books. I LOVE books and I LOVE to read. (thank you to my mother). Included in the many things that make me happy is to be able to obtain books for cheap. So, imagine how excited I would be to have access to books for FREE!! To be able to "share" my thoughts on these books in exchange for the privilege is a small price to pay, indeed. So, stay tuned, my friends, as I may well be back soon; sharing my thoughts and opinions on some of the many "good reads".