The book "for women only"

The book is advertised to provide the reader with insights from the latest brain research allowing a glimpse inside the minds of men. I've read many books on relationships; some not worth keeping, others full of very good and helpful advice. This book, "for women only" by Shaunti Feldhahn, sounded exciting due to its being a book where the author claims she "applies her analytical skill to illuminating surprising truths about relationships." Thus "Shanti Feldhahn reveals what every woman- single or married- needs to "know". The info is derived via surveys of more than sixteen hundred men. Upon its arrival I promptly, and excitedly, began to read the book. Chapter 1 "Light Bulb On" serves as introduction to how the idea for the book came about. Chapter 2, "Your Love Is Not Enough" teaches how respecting the man is critical to sustaining a happy working relationship. This concept is covered in depth by Emerson Eggerich in his book "Love and Respect". In this book the basic information is addressed in a condensed, and thus quick to read, version. Chapter 3, "The Performance of a Lifetime" gives us insight into the reality that while our man might come across as being very confident and in control, in reality he too has insecurities and self-doubts. Chapter 4, "The Thinker" shows us how men think, or can actually not be thinking anything in a given moment of time. We learn the male brain really does function differently from the female brain. In chapter 5, "The Loneliest Burden" we come to learn being a provider is so important a man, but at the same time this is can be a heavy burden for him. At the conclusion of each of these chapters we learn how to better support the men in our lives. I found the information in each of these chapters to be insightful, informative and very useful. Up to this point I would have cheerfully given the book five stars and then some. In reading chapter 6, "Sex Changes Everything" I began to feel differently. In reading a well-respected marriage counselor, Willard F. Harley, Jr., in his books "His Needs Her Needs" and "Fall In Love Stay In Love", I gained an insightful understanding of this topic--from a well-balanced presentation. The impression I got from this chapter is that women are essentially responsible for their partner’s emotional state of mind and well-being based upon both how, and how often, she is sexually responsive to him. To me it read as though to meet his need she should be available sexually whenever he desires; as: "if she doesn't want to, I feel incredible rejection". Also: "fulfilling sex makes him feel loved and desired"; fulfilling sex gives him confidence"; and "your lack of desire can send him into depression". Additionally, emphasis is placed not only on willingness to engage in sex, the woman is to engage enthusiastically- "as much as men want sex, most of them would rather go out and clip the hedges in the freezing rain than make love with a wife who appears to be responding out of duty". While the author didn't specifically state it, by quotes given I got the impression the wife should be willingly and enthusiastically available for sex daily, if need be, based upon her husband's desire; "I feel like I go out into the ring every day and fight the fight. It's very lonely. That's why, when the bell rings, I want my wife to be there for me."; "your desire is a bedrock form of support that gives him power to face the rest of his daily life with a sense of confidence and well-being"; and "Sex is a release of day-to-day pressures...and seems to make everything else better". For me this chapter didn't read in a balanced manner taking into consideration the needs of the woman, instead leaving me with the impression it is only the man’s wants, needs and desires that matter. Chapter 7,"Keeper of the Photo Files" is moderately interesting in that it helps illustrate the effect of visual stimulation on the male brain. Chapter 8, "Chocolate, Flowers, Bait Fishing", touches on romance, a topic I didn't find to be useful. Chapter 9, The Truth about Taking Care of Yourself" addresses the importance of the woman keeping herself attractive for her man. This is a good common sense topic that perhaps might serve as a good reminder to some of us, or even a necessary read for some women. Chapter 10, "Words for your Heart" serves, basically, as a wrap up. I don’t highly recommend this book; however, if you simply want a quick read that touches on the issues, I believe you would find something beneficial from this book. I received my copy for free from WaterBrook Multnomah Publishing Group for my review.